We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
