'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
