He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
