I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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