1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
