I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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