Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
