Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
