i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
