Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Still dying that you shit outside
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
