it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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