My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
