We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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