It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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