I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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