i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
