I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
