You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
