I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I want to fling myself into the sun
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
