What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
