this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
