I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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