I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
