Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
