the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
