I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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