I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
