I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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