Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
