I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
