a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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