dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
