This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's shark week go big or go home
True strength comes from lack of pants
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize