if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
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You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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