Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize