um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
