So drunk its hurt
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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