you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If I die, sorry about rent.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
