Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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