He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
