i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
