I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
