so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
