Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
