So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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