it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
