Don't make out with my wife yet
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
