He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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