somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
