His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
