The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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