I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
