you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
