When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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