On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
