They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
