just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
