We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
