so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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