just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
