it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
