Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
