$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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