If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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