Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
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Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
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Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?