Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?