So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on