So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.