Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"