Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
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I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.