You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I need to calm my uterus...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
