Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You made out with two different species that night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
