my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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