Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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