just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
