remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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