He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
