dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?