wat bout pragnant strippers??
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.