I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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