Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me