I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants