Just took my morning after pill in the library
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
