How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
