You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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