you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
